so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
