Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
