Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
