i need an iv and a liver transplant
Say something about gay babies.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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