conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ladies don't puke and tell
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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