You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
