'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
