i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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