South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
