wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
