remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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