dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My pussy is not your playground.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize