I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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