10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
