is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize