is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
