i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
