I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
