fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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