my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my sisters under your porch take her home
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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