I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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