??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
