he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
