I just cut my nipple shaving
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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