90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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