The brown eye won't let me do that either.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
