hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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