i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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