I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
