Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize