how can u be prego again
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
