tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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