all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
