I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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