i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
