ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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