if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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