SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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