we have officially lost it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
