So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
