then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
