so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
