when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
