All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
