Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
