yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
not ubering you a puppy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
