we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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