You're earring is so big in my mouth
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
