are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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