She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize