He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
