He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
