Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You ruined the universe
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
