Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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