Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
