i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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