Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize