You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I deserve this hangover.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
