Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The uberlube is also flammable
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
