Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
