ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
