If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
