I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
