i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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