is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize