you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
