The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
