Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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