I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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