And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
