U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
