he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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