The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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