Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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