Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
