Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
