I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
