before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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