I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
