Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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