Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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