Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
