dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
