Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
