I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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