she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
