Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
false alarm, still single
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
