The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
