i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
