who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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