I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
