dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
