dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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