Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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